Sunday 1s vs Roehampton
Author: Hoagy
Match Report |
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The Chaos theory, the Island and an awkward moment. The story of the inaugural SW15 Gentleman’s Classic Chaos theory is the study of apparently random or unpredictable behavior in systems governed by deterministic laws. A more accurate term, deterministic chaos, suggests a paradox because it connects two notions that are familiar and commonly regarded as incompatible. The first is that of randomness or unpredictability, as in the choice to bat or bowl of a particular cricket captain on any given Sunday or which player to bat at say, number seven and which at six. Randomness was considered more apparent than real, arising from ignorance of the many causes at work during a cricket match. In other words, it was commonly believed that the world (and cricket) is unpredictable because it is complicated. The second notion is that of deterministic motion, as that of a pendulum or a planet or Skuller’s bowling action, which has been accepted since the time of Isaac Newton as exemplifying the success of science in rendering predictable that which is initially complex. Another example of this notion would be Brooksy’s playing ranking algorithm. In recent times a diversity of systems have been studied that behave unpredictably despite their seeming simplicity, Sunday cricketers for example, and the fact that the forces involved are governed by well-understood physical laws, a bat hitting a ball or being dropped from a wicket keepers gloves when they should have been caught. The common element in these systems is a very high degree of sensitivity to initial conditions and to the way in which they are set in motion, the weather, the condition of the pitch, the choice to bat or bowl, the quality of the opposition and the amount of beer in the fridge, for example. I only mention the above to set the scene for last Sundays MPSGA home local derby versus Roehampton. It had a chaotic feel from the start of the day. Simple things became complicated, complicated things became simple. The unpredictable predictably happened and the unlikely failed, completely to do so. And so to the action. The initial conditions that presented themselves were: - a Roehampton Saturday team masquerading as a Sunday team - an incomplete Putney team…Noman was late - overcast weather conditions - a toss winning captain who elected to bat - the Putney pitch…and - a predictable Putney batting collapse. As batsmen came and went chaos reigned. Noman struggled with the scoreboard and disappeared to an unnamed petrol station for no apparent reason when he was about to bat. Unpredictably, good players played bad shots. Predictably bad players played bad shots and the Putney pitch just played with a randomness that was more real than apparent. As we slumped to 46 for 8 the simple predictability of an early finish was complicated somewhat by some unpredictable late order runs. Up stepped Noman and Chris Smith. The two gallantly swish and slashed us toward a score. Despite his earlier chaotic scoreboard and petrol station shenanigans, Noman lived up to his nickname. He was our island. Not a wishy washy ‘I can’t work the scoreboard, get washed away in a flood’ Maldivian island. No, a towering volcanic plume of rock in the middle of an Atlantic storm, island. And on this rock we built our innings. Ably, if unpredictably assisted by Chris, the two took us into the 90’s. As 100 beckoned chaos again raised its head and we capitulated for 99. This despite Tan taking his broom to every delivery and sweeping majestically…. twice! We had so many single figure scores that some bright spark commented that the scorebook looked like a phone number…..more on that later… We retired to the clubhouse to lick our batting wounds and to take a chaotic, if predictable tea sponsored by Brooksy and think about how to save the game. Meanwhile and unbeknownst to many in the team Rohit was suffering. He had opened the batting and edged behind for 4. His predictable and anticipated chagrin at the dismissal became apparent as he strolled easily back from the middle. He hadn’t hit it, of course and felt hard done by. He believed his dismissal had been governed by randomness as opposed to being deterministic motion. The consequence was pure chaos theory. Whether by randomness or determination the edge behind had served to break Rohit’s foot and he declared he could take no further part in the game…oh…and would someone pick me up a few sandwiches and a nice piece of cake and ferry it to the ground, I am too poorly to walk. So somewhat chaotically we now had to save the game with only 8 fielders…and Noman and Hannaford! As I munched my cheese sandwich and contemplated our fate I recalled the quip about the score book resembling a phone number. ‘I wonder’ I thought…I knew we had an extended tea break due to our poor cricket. Maybe I have time for an experiment. Using the scorebook I took down the single digit scores, randomly mixed them up and came up with something that didn’t look entirely unlike a phone number. Now to really test chaos theory, I thought. I tapped in the number and waited…. To my surprise I heard a ring tone… After two rings the phone picked up..... ‘hello’ I said.. No reply..just a recorded message… It was Kenneth Williams (OOOOO matron) reading out what sounded like a Saturday 2’s match report. I was so amazed at the randomness of this discovery that it took me several minutes to realise it was not Kenneth Williams (OOOOO matron) reading at all. No, it was none other than Tory boy Rolf Merchant reading last Saturday’s match report. I listen intently for a moment until I realised that, somewhat predictably it was neither funny nor interesting and furthermore that I didn’t give a hoot about the game. I hung up and took another bite of my sandwich! And so to the great defence….. With Rohit having been taken away by a helicopter to A & E and with only 8 fielders….plus Noman and Hannaford, we had to defend 99 runs against a Saturday team. The predictability of conditions suggested a certain heavy loss, but today had been governed by randomness and chaos so we believed we had a chance. In roared Brooksy and took 3 quick and predictably ill-deserved wickets. In roared Chris and took two wickets assisted by the pitch and one of the 8 fielders. In roared Leon and tempted the batsmen with his interminably slow ‘fast’ balls. Predictably they were not fooled and smashed him to all parts. In roared Hogarth and picked up a questionable LB. SUDDENLY AND UNBELIEVABLY WE WERE IN WITH A CHANCE. Chaos had ruled the day. Unpredictability was the king of the moment. Roehampton were wobbling 80 for 7. The planets had aligned. The moment of glory was upon us. We can win this…let’s go back.. who said that?... .come on we can win this. We lost… Predictably… and order was reinstated. Chris bowling 5 wides to end the game with a whimper not a roar. Once again we trudged to the bar…not Rohit..he had returned from hospital and required four strong men to carry his stretcher to the bar. I heard one unkind cynic suggest that his foot may have not hurt as much if he had not been given out…predictable and unkind of that cynic…. I thought We drank and celebrated with our Roehampton chums and decided to make this debacle an annual event. And so was created the SW15 Gentleman Classic to be played each year in June. Brooksy made the usual, predictable announcements DDJ-Hannaford for forgetting his cricket shirt and batting in a Usain bolt t-shirt (oh the irony!) MPSGAFKACSTMOTD-‘Hot’ Alex for 2 catches MoM-WIDES, they topped scored by some way Thanks for coming- The whole team We drank and laughed and laughed and drank at the days chaos, randomness and inevitability. The Roehampton guys said they loved our awards and would they mind if they used them too. Brooksy checked the legal issues during a quick call to Jamola. All good. We didn’t mind as they were such good blokes and had asked us first and not just stolen them and after all imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Brooksy did show them the new Saturday awards too, just in case they wanted to use their ideas. The Roehampton skipper, somewhat unkindly, said they just looked a bit lame, especially the stupid hats. It just looks like, he said, that their awards ideas had been misappropriated from ours. In fact, he continued, they seemed to be just a poor imitation and just looked a bit amateur. He then said that we must have some saddos in our Saturday team if they thought that stealing other people’s ideas and then making them crap was a good idea. By this time the room had gone quiet. This was awkward. We all felt a little uncomfortable as none of us in the Sunday team agreed. After all, we are an inclusive club and we support all our Putney colleagues…. even those super cricketers in the Saturday 2’s whose children are better cricketers than us! The moment passed like a cloud across the sun and we were soon drinking our fill in praise of the random, chaotic, predictable, unpredictability of this thing we call cricket and to the future of the SW15 Gentleman’s Classic. |
Date | Time | Team | Opposition | Location | Putney | Opposition | Result | Scores | Points | Toss |
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26/05/2019 | 1pm | Sunday 1st | Roehampton | H | 99/10 | 102/6 | L | 0 |