Sunday 1s vs Old Rutlishians
Author: The Hon. R "Codpiece" Merchant Smythe-Dibblethwaite III
Match Report |
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(Hogarth seems to think that I talk like I’m something out of the 1920s, so consider that inspiration for this report…) After my morning cup of darjeeling, I boarded the local omnibus which tootled me down to Morden. A jolly pleasant trip it was too. Strolling into the ground I hallooed my fellow Putney chaps cheerily. “What ho! Spiffing day for cricker, what!” said I. Dr Smith, an acolyte of Prof. Einstein and his much admired ‘General theory of relativity’, lost the toss. “Jolly bad luck old bean”, quoth I. I was given the great honour of opening the batting. “Top hole! See off the new ball and make ‘em chase after it a bit, what!” I elicited a few grunts from my fellow opener, the saturnine Mr Hannaford. Mind you, he proved a dab-hand at the old batting, hitting some boundary fours, including one which looked more at home on the real tennis court. “Splendid shot old boy!” I beamed. But, dash it all to pieces. After our positive start, Mr Hannaford and I were dismissed. “Blast!” said I to myself, “Jack Hobbs wouldn’t have played such a silly shot. Ho hum!”. Mr Polecutt hit a lovely drive over the bowler’s head, but he perished soon after. Then, a small rot set in and we found ourselves 65/5. “Oh fiddle! What a bit of rotten luck!” I groaned. I must admit my worries looked rather silly an hour later. Mr Glew and Mr Jenkins put on a roaringly good partnership. They played handsome shots aplenty and veritably romped along. A partnership of 133 in 20 overs. Rollickingly good stuff eh! Mr Glew hit four sixes, including one that hit Mr Umpire’s automobile (manufactured by Herr Benz of Baden-Württemberg). How we applauded and whooped! Mr Jenkins played a fair hand too, with some sumptuous strokeplay. A modest gentleman too, for he said it was a scratchy innings. “Not a bit of it old sage! Splendid batting! Out of the top drawer!” I told him later. There was a moment of levity as Constable Hogarth (formerly of Scotland Yard) was ready to remove his pads as the final balls ticked down. But then Mr Jenkins was dismissed, so the poor fellow had to face just one ball. We chuckled and chortled at this highly amusing turn of affairs. We enjoyed a topping spread for the tea interval! Lovely cakes, even better than nanny’s! Satisfied, we set about defending our total of 216. We had two South African gentlemen to open the bowling - Mr MacMillan and Mr Saunders. Fielding in the gully, I had an excellent vantage point for their fine efforts. They were mightily accurate and had the opposition top order in tatters! Old Ruts were 50-5 and in a right old spot of bother. Mr MacMillan finished with 3 for 6, and Mr Saunders 2 for 24. “Good show! Corking bowling, what!” I enthused. Constable Hogarth and Dr Smith came on at first change, and there was no let up in pressure. Dr Smith bowls at the sort of pace of Fred “Demon” Spofforth. “Rough ‘em up with a few bumpers Doctor!” I suggested from backward point. Constable Hogarth took three fine wickets, including an excellent catch off his own bowling. “You catch ‘em like you do johnny criminal down in Whitechapel!” I commented. Mr Glew finished things off in his one and only over. We won by a mighty 155 runs! Pip pip! Over some local ales at the public house, we reflected on the day’s successes, recorded as follows: Chap of the Match: Mr. H. Glew, for a fine debut (it rhymes, too!) Dunce of the Day: Constable Hogarth, P - because he was in a huff for being told to re-bowl a delivery on account of the non-striker not being ready. Splendid glass of bubbly moment: Mr. N. Saunders for a very fine running catch at mid off. Ta for making the trip, and back luck old sport: Mr. J. Beddow. |
Date | Time | Team | Opposition | Location | Putney | Opposition | Result | Scores | Points | Toss |
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01/05/2022 | 1pm | Sunday 1st | Old Rutlishians | A | 216/7 | 61/10 | W | 0 |