Saturday 2s vs Woodmansterne

"Brian unfunny", say team mates

Author: Rolf "rarely fined" Merchant

Match Report

Another big win and 20 delicious points in the bag. The Saturday 2s are lining up for a late league victory challenge, or at the very least a place in Europe. Last week’s win renewed faith in the maxim of “don’t field first when it’s hot”. So Amogh won the toss and opted to bat… but this decision looked a bit ropey when we found ourselves 18/3. Amogh and Adam combined and dug in, doing what the top order should have done - seeing off the opening bowling. Adam drove through the covers handsomely. Amogh was a bit scratchy, berating himself for missing out on juicy full tosses from their spinner. But crease occupation was key. This was a vital 60-odd partnership which brought us back in the game. Yours truly hand a hand (or at least a finger) in the demise of Amogh, and then Adam, with a brace of LBW decisions that even my natural bias couldn’t refuse. “Well you have to contribute something to the game,” chirped Brian to me. I had no riposte. Lewis got stuck in, whacking their spinner over the top, but holed out trying the same trick to their returning opener. He decided on a bit of histrionic helmet throwing upon his return to the dugout. 120/6 wasn’t an ideal position to be in, so perhaps a bit of sulk was justified. Fortunately we had Joe coming in at 8 (yes at 8) who combined very well with Ifan. The runs flowed at last. Ifan went for a very well compiled 34. Joe then utterly cooked JP with a run out. JP stormed off muttering all kinds of expletives. He completed the act with a helmet drop kick Johnny Wilkinson would have been proud of. Joe kept his cool and pushed us up to 180 in the 49th over. Amogh declared and we trooped back for an excellent tea, with Bri’s much admired pasta salad the centrepiece. Our quest for 10 wickets started haphazardly. Their openers drove nicely. Ifan shelled a chance at mid on and they got up to 30 without loss. The irrepressible Brian then did his thing. He had a big help from Tom “the bod” Seaman, who took a very good skied chance off their young opener, despite Rohit doing his best to run into him. Their number 3 fell first ball, Ifan pocketing the catch. Then two more ducks followed - both LBW to Brian. Suddenly they were 40/4. More was to come. Tom extracted their other opener with some extra bounce. Lewis took a snick off Brian for (yet another) Michelle, his third in the league this season. 48/6. Surely Woodmansterne would go full blockathon to try to deny us the points? No. The big shots kept coming. One such rush of blood brought a very silly moment. A skewed drive off Tommo went miles in the air. Ifan at mid off tried to get under it but never looked comfortable. Then he slipped and fell on his behind. But somehow he had lined himself up perfectly so the ball landed right on his tummy, making a nice little “poooofft” sound as it hit him. Catch claimed, we had a good old chuckle. All the hilarity led to one or two lapses in concentration. Amogh positioned himself at gully only to shell one. Lewis missed a sharp nick. At this point the 1s, already drunk, boorish and rowdy having won their game at 3.30, began jeering us. The sight of Oddwell’s mullet wasn’t helping either. The pressure was beginning to tell as Woodmansterne’s tail resisted. I decided it’d be fun to go under the helmet at short leg for JP. He responded by offering up a gentle long hop which was pulled inches above my head. Needless to say it didn’t feel so fun anymore. Regardless the ploy worked inasmuch as it suckered the batsmen into offering easy catches off JP. A very happy victory! Over fines we opted for an award revamp. Here’s what went down: Man of the Match: Adam - for crucial runs when we were teetering (the batsmen’s union had a strong block vote, along with the “Anyone But Brian” lobby. Love you Bri xxx) Silly Sausage of the Day: Shared between JP for his post run-out tantrum, and Ifan for his masterful belly catch on the floor. BendreBall Moment: Tommo’s very cool catch which opened the floodgates.

Date	Time	Team	Opposition	Location	Putney	Opposition	Result	Scores	Points	Toss
23/07/2022	TBC	Saturday 2nd	Woodmansterne	H	180/8	94/10	W		20