Sunday 2s vs Morden
Author: Paul Hogarth
Match Report |
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The day harmony reigned and the pitch was wet! So, I turned up at the clubhouse on Sunday expecting to see the usual ragtag bunch of misfits and no hopers that the Sunday1st leave us with every week, to go out and get hammered but some team, who really are not that good. I surmised, as I reached the door that I would be confronted with a clubhouse that resembled a University bedroom, clothes everywhere, a mess on the carpet, half eaten food left out to decay and stink, washing up in the sink, alcohol stains all over the place and a general funk of neglect! Imagine my surprise on entering to find a spick and span clubhouse. What could have happened…had the Saturday team had a sudden pang of conscience and decided that…’hey just for once this season let’s make this clubhouse sparkle for our Sunday chums.’ No…of course not…there had been no game last week so the cleaners had been in midweek and there sterling work had not been undone on Saturday. Then things got even stranger. Real cricketers started appearing..you know the type, people who get picked first for all the good sides. There were Saturday first, Sunday first, Saturday seconds… and even a slight smattering of the lowly Sunday seconds! The weirdness continued as they started chatting to each other in genuinely warm tones. Then they all just went out and prepared the pitch. No one had to be told or threatened..they just did it…is that what it is like in the ivory towers of the other teams? Players even arrived on time and offered to help in any way they could. I have to say I was quite taken aback. Oh it must be wonderful to reach the giddy heights of any team that isn’t the Sunday seconds…cricketing heaven. But wait it got better. There were no arguments about selection or inter team rivalries. Harmony had truly sprung up from the well of Putney CC. When the game started things continued to delight. OK the pitch was a mudbath and several players got lost in the undergrowth that was masquerading as the outfield, but the cricket was quite brilliant at times. G.P. Brian, Tim, Charlie and even our own Barry exceled with the ball all picking up wickets. Abdullah took the second best catch of the season (you know which was the best Chris..don’t you?) Everything was rosy in the Putney Garden..WASN’T IT? You know I am not one for the conspiracy theory….and when Brain put down a dolly of a catch off my bowling I just thought ‘ hey it happens.’ But my suspicions were to be raised later when we batted! Morden, our opponents were skittled for 120..a modest score…I thought…we should have these knocked off in 20 overs, what with the talent on display. Tea------Crumbly bloody cheese! So, I strolled out to the middle with the plastic Aussie and his ancient bat. All started well Plastic (19) smashed a few boundaries and I nurdled the ball around a bit. Then plastic gave his wicket away and Doug (11) arrived at the crease. His quiet confidence radiated to the non-strikers end…and I am not embarrassed to say I felt a warm glow as I watched Doug’s composed innings. ‘this is how it feels’, I thought’ ‘to be one of the elite!’ ….unfortunately he was soon out –plumb LBW. This brought Abdullah to the crease. Hey, at least you know what you are getting with Abdullah..There is no pretense. Whack….4….swing…miss… out. Same every week! The skipper was next in with the team spluttering.. 3 down with 60 on the board. Then controversy! Forget Watergate, the grassy knoll, the book depository, the Prefumo affair or the ball over the line in’66. Here the conspiracy theorist would have a field day. Yours truly caught behind off a ball that clearly bounced. Up went the umpires finger, (none other than Brian who had dropped the dolly).’No’ I cried ‘ it bounced’. ‘Out’ insisted Brian. I made a plea to the square leg..the Plastic Aussie. ‘It was a bump ball, did you see it’. ‘Yeah it bounced, but your out, cobber’ he drawled in his Luton/fake Aussie accent. I couldn’t quite believe it! So who engineered this travesty of justice? Some say Rich Wilson paid off MacMillan to ensure he topped the averages, some say The plastic Aussie was finally getting his revenge for being unmasked as a fake, some think Macmillan was jealous that his teas were not as good as the Sunday seconds. Some say Powell had finally snapped for his team selections being questioned every week. Some say Henson wanted revenge for his little broken foot. In fact, having read through my match reports I currently have 74 suspects who had reason to take revenge! Investigations are ongoing…and a city copper hardly ever gets his man..so beware..it seems that the harmony only went so far! Anywho..back to the game. Chris got a 15 ball duck! Tan picked up a golden, Tim (19) nearly got us home, but that was left to G.P.(22*) and Barry 5* (off 200 balls) smashing the winning boundary in the 33 over. A close run thing but in the end the eclectic mix that was this Sundays second XI finished the season with a win. Maybe we should try mixing the team s again next season..you never know it may catch on! Skipper watch As this may be the last skipper watch of the season it seems reasonable to examine Chris ‘cheery, quack quack’ Powell’s performance this season. However, beforehand I should give a quick nod to his performance in the Morden game…..well done Chris, you managed a group of big personalities very well on your way to a memorable victory. You batting, of course was atrocious, but hey I’m getting ahead of myself, that bit belongs in the seasons performance section! So…I have done a little digging in the Putney CC archive…not an easy thing to access…and I have found something interesting. The previous worst performance by a skipper was in 1873 by Herbert ‘spunky’ Wiggins. Wiggin’s team managed five wins with Wiggins himself averaging 4.3 with the bat and 51.5 with the ball. I think you will agree, a terrible performance! However, not to be outdone and never one to pass up a challenge Chris has managed the better (or worse) Wiggin’s performance with both bat and ball…well done skip. Not satisfied with putting in the worst display by a skipper in club history Chris has excelled himself further by topping the ducks league and has in fact scored 0 on no fewer than 10 occasions (counting the club tourney). Chris had varied his zeros amicably… he’s had golden ducks, silver duck, 16 ball ducks…even 25 ball ducks! On the other hand…he is a jolly good egg and has completed the unenviable job of marshaling the ever changing Sunday 2nd XI. I think I speak for the whole team when I say..’WE LOVE YOU SKIP….despite everything’. Keep it up Chris, this column would be poorer without your exploits. You Know What Really Grinds my Gears? You know what really grinds my gears? Making the bloody teas! Sort it out Putney…get a tea lady for next year. Put your short hands in those long pockets and pay her the going rate so the poor skipper (or poorer scmuck that volunteers) doesn’t have to spend an hour cutting up sandwiches….and while we are on that subject…why would you buy crumbly cheese? It does not make good sandwiches….get slices in future…ok they cost a bit more but the results are so much better.. aesthetically speaking! And that..for the last time this season, Is what really grinds my gears my little Putney Chums! Paul Hogarth |
Date | Time | Team | Opposition | Location | Putney | Opposition | Result | Scores | Points | Toss |
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22/09/2013 | 12.30pm | Sunday 2nd | Morden | H | 121/8 | 120/10 | W | 0 |