Sunday 2s vs Barnes Common
Author: Paul Hogarth
Match Report |
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Mission impossible Good morning Ethan…er I mean Paul, Powell is away sunning himself and Wilson is getting hitched. The Sunday 2 nds require a skipper. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to singlehandedly get through the impressive pavilion security, provide a smashing tea and deliver a win for the seconds. There are three locks, 2 cupboards, 12 doors, 6 keys and an alarm panel to get past. As always, should you or any of your team be caught (or bowled), the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. Good luck, Paul. This tape will self-destruct in five seconds. Derdlerrrrrrrrrrr…..der der der der derder, der der der der derder….dedler derdler derdler… der der Mission accepted.. although, as I hung, suspended from the ceiling above the touch sensitive pavilion floor in a black cat suit, I wondered at the my descision! ‘if I can just reach the control panel,,,oh no… a bead of sweat is dripping down my nose ( not a short journey I’ll grant you) if it hits the floor the game is up!’ As I hung there I had an epiphany (that’s a moment of enlightenment for all you Aussies…you know…I suddenly realized something? Got it now?) Who would be a skipper? It is TOUGH..so much to do for a home game..when do you get time to concentrate on your own game? No wonder Chris is such a poor player! So I want you to know what a great job all you skippers and vice skippers are doing (not you Rich ..you never actually do anything..not even F….ing open). I am sure I speak for the entire player roster when I say..we appreciate you guys. And all that not showing up, getting there late, not offering to help with the teas, sitting around whilst others set up the pitch or racing to the bar whilst others clear the pitch is NOT JUST our laziness, ignorance or downright rudeness…no, take it as a term of endearment! That said my team were (largely) great this week… special thanks to Jimmy Toseland for his carrot cake and for not eating it on route, Plastic Aussie for his two divine cheesecakes ( more proof he is not an Aussie..they would lynch you if you turned up with cheesecake in Oz!) And Chris ‘ONE FOOT’ Henson for his pasta. Everyone mucked in and saved me from drowning in a sea of admin…even Tan managed to turn up just before tea… sterling effort. So what about the cricket…Well ,we got tonked all over the place..only Mahir and Chris H had any control… and Chris even broke his foot ON PURPOSE as there openers started to get to grips with his bowling…Get well soon Henson. The pick of the dross was the skips two overs going for 27! A lovely tea and rain break gave us hope….surely we could chase down 245 in 35 overs! Things stared well Mystery Dave (53) and stand in skip (16) made a 50 plus partnership ( admittedly most runs from Mystery’s bat) before Hogarth charged his first ball from there premier spinner. This seemed to start an epidemic of stupid shots with their spinner picking up a 6 for! Only when the ‘plastic Aussie’ (38*) came to the crease in an unlikely last wicket partnership with Henson…broken foot healed and wearing a very convincing Charlie Smullian (30) disguise did we get close to there total..finally capitulating for 180 ish. Shame as I really wanted to crow to Powell! Skipper watch written this week by guest correspondent James ‘Plastic Aussie’ Warner The power hungry first time captain Paul "Mugabe" Hogarth had what you could only describe as an average day at best. After a promising start the previous week in which he enlisted the help of some stalwarts of the team to provide, dare I say it the finest tea of the season the wheels inevitably fell off with the inexperienced skipper clutching at straws and scratching his head His first victim was Henson who got injured after his tiredness went un noticed which led to serious injury (that's right. It was Paul's fault.) Following that he copied Powells lead from the previous week with the double bluff and left Warner on to bowl right arm pies from the clubhouse end when it seemed that underarm bowling would be better. His final master stroke of the first innings was the decision to bring himself on after seeing all his bowlers get carted all over the ground. With his famous last words of "watch this" he promptly bowled two overs for no wickets and twenty seven runs. Including a massive six off his last ball. To top it off. Just when the team needed him to lead from the front and get the innings off to a flyer. He not only chickened out of facing the first ball but let mystery Dave shoulder the responsibility of making all the runs and got out for a paltry 16. It's fair to say the Sunday 2's are eager for the return of Powell this week. James Warner. And finally…YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS? You know what really grinds my gears? Player requests with stipulations! For example; 1 player required Saturday 2 nds today. Don’t even bother to waste my time unless you have played to international standard as a minimum. Anyone below this standard has no chance of making my team and has less right to be on God’s good earth than a worm. You have my utter and complete loathing and contempt! Text or e mail to be considered. WTF is that all about? And that, my little Putney Pals, IS WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS! |
Date | Time | Team | Opposition | Location | Putney | Opposition | Result | Scores | Points | Toss |
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08/09/2013 | 1pm | Sunday 2nd | Barnes Common | H | 184/10 | 244/7 | L | 0 |